I want to start this off by wishing my sincerest condolences to my incredible betting strategy of always bet against Blaine Gabbert. I suppose, like all good things, it was destined to come to an end. And if it hand to die to anything, I suppose I can take some solace in the fact that the end of Blaine had to come in order to progress the incredible story of Colin Kaepernick. With last week’s victory, I move to 4-1 in my locks, but now I’m drifting aimlessly without any sort of plan.
Or am I? If I can’t bet against the team competing against Blaine Gabbert, maybe I can bet against the man who is competing against him. The narrative is here people, and my money is going all in on Foxy Cleopatra himself. The Niners are a +270 underdog to win, and I say we hammer that. All these boring spread picks have been cramping my style anything, we need to get fiesty here.
By the way, I’m also considering betting the 49ers to win the NFC West at a very tasty 200:1. By no means do I actually think that this is a lock to happen, BUT, I think if we play this season 200 times that Colin Kaepernick catches fire and the team comes back from 3 games down with 11 to play more than once. So I’m going to throw 10 bucks at this and see what happens. Plus, then I can say I got in on the ground floor of the incredible Colin Kaepernick comeback story I’ve been predicting all year. Except my version is insane enough to put him in the White House at the end, although, given this year’s election maybe that prediction isn’t THAT crazy.
Speaking of this insane election, I’m going to dig into that for a second. I have a piece I want to put together about the value of effort, but that sounds hard and I’d rather take the low hanging fruit.
When I was in college, I joked with some of my friends that if 4chan ever banded together, they could cure cancer. It was tongue in cheek of course, but the sentiment wasn’t that far off base. If this entire group of technologically savvy people with little collective will were to band together behind one united goal, the limit to what they could accomplish was difficult to imagine. They managed to rig up pretty much any online poll they set their sights on and, if they coordinated their efforts, they could ruin pretty much anything with their raids. In a weird, perverse way (my favorite kind of way) they managed to turn whatever they touched into ash.
So it was only a matter of time until they figured out how to get their hands on something that actually mattered. Something that would make this Mountain Drew bottle look like child’s play. Actually, if you think about it, trying to meme a man into winning the Presidential election seems like a perfectly reasonable goal for them. It’s low effort, it’s destructive rather than constructive, and it has a clear objective.
Earlier today, 4chan’s /pol message board hacked John Podesta’s, Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager, twitter account and email and have reportedly obtained all 33,000 of the presidential candidate’s deleted emails. It sounds like, at the very least, a group that unironically describes themselves using words I probably couldn’t get away with saying at a bar in Madison have bested lord knows how many reporters and journalists and are sitting with information that could potentially alter the outcome an event that will have world changing implications.
Suddenly, it’s not a joke anymore. No, they didn’t cure cancer, they just altered the presidential race. No big deal.
So is there anything to take away here? I think there is. I could talk about how important it is to work as part of a team. I might be able to discuss the virtues of committing yourself to a goal and following through to it. I could definitely cobble something together that stresses how important the common man is and how information is the great equalizer between the different classes of society.
But, this time, I’m going to take the lead of those shitposters and pass on finding meaning in anything. I’ll just sit back and enjoy the lulz.