Let’s take a break from talking about serious stuff like elections and strategies and rules of war to talk about something much less serious, Hearthstone’s newest expansion that comes out tomorrow, the Mean Streets of Gadgetzan. What does that mean? More cards for one thing. That means that there are new possibilities for new, powerful decks. But it also means that there are possibilities for new, stupid decks that exist solely for the enjoyment of the game. So while we’re breaking from the serious, we aren’t breaking from memes. Rather than try to predict what cards will be good and which cards won’t be, I’m going to look at some fun interactions that might exist in this deck and the cards that’ll make that happen. Some of them might be good, others might not, but these will be the decks I’m trying to make happen. I’ve realized in the past that predicting which cards will be good pretty much only matters if you think that a card that won’t be good will end up being powerful and then you get that prediction right. And we all saw how wrong I was about Menagerie Warden (though I did call Babbling Book, what up). So, fuck it, I’ll go on record as saying Worgen Greaser will be the meta defining card. Deal with it.
Deck 1 – Auctionmaster Beardo and Majordomo Executus Miracle Rogue
Majordomo of these cards turns your hero into a powerful firelord with low health, so you can’t stay in this form for long without dying. The drawback is that you have an extremely powerful hero power that deals 8 random damage. Auctionmaster Beardo allows you to use your hero power again if you cast a spell. I think you can figure this out. Playing a lot of cheap spells will allow you to continuous deal eight damage. If you have Auctionmaster Beardo, counterfit coins, coins, preps, and spells, you’ll be able to deal well over 40 damage in a turn. It won’t win a lot, but the meme levels are going to be off the charts.
Deck 2 – Astral Communion 2.0
Astral Communion is a powerful card that allows you to discard your entire hand while giving your character the maximum amount of mana crystals for the rest of the game. If you can play this card early, you have a significant advantage. The only problem is that you only get to use one card the rest of the game, unless you find spells to draw more. This expansion gives us two new cards that do this, which helps solve that problem. The other is that you want to fill your deck up with powerful, expensive cards to use these crystals. You can typically only play one a turn. A new legendary card titled Kun, the Forgotten King, helps address that problem. When you play it, the card refills your mana crystals, which allows you to play a second big card the same turn. I’m going to try to make a serious run with this deck in December until I eventually lose too many games and blame it on the deck before crawling to whatever the powerful netdeck is. Speaking of…
Deck 3 – Aggro Paladin
Remember when you didn’t have to constantly worry about Divine Favor constantly refilling your opponents hand? Neither did I. Here’s my one solid prediction – this deck is going to be very, very tiring on the ladder. Paladin has a way of making people’s lives miserable and my experience. Actually, I’m already looking forward to all the threads on Reddit whining about how we need to nerf it. Man, the salt is going to taste so good.
Deck 4 – Raza Unchained / Kabal Courier / Coldara Drake / Auchenai Soulpriest punish deck
This deck relies on one very specific condition – using Kabal Courier to discover a Coldara Drake, which allows you use your hero power as many times a turn as you want. Raza Unchained, a new legendary card, makes your hero power cost zero any time after you play it. And, lastly, Auchenai Soulpriest makes the hero power of the Priest do damage to a minion, rather than healing it. So, if you haven’t done the math, this allows you to do two damage to whatever you want, as many times as you want (for the length of your turn). For maximum BM, damage your opponent to 1 or 2 life and then slowly kill yourself while they watch. If you emote “Sorry” all the way down on their end and repeatedly drop “oops” on your side, you’ll get a full 10/10 BM score.
As promised, there’s some solid memes in there. Hopefully I’ll have some solid video clips to share in the coming months of me pulling off some of this garbage.
Until then, back to our regularly scheduled programming. Things will get so very serious again next time, believe me.