The Happiest Bracket on Earth (Part 4)

In my last piece dedicated to my insane venture of pitting Disney songs against each other in a march madness style bracket to determine the greatest song of all their animated movies, I mentioned that I would look at the second part of the Golden Age for my third piece. Technically, I’m going to hold myself to that. I’m just going to jump ahead to part four before I write part three. If you’re going to complain, save it, I heard enough of that from all of the Lion King stans after I apparently “disrespected” it in said piece. Unless you’re Elton John or Johnathon Taylor Thomas, I’m not all that concerned. If you are Elton John, you killed it in Kingsman II: The Golden Circle and I’m really looking forward to Rocketman…
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The Happiest Bracket on Earth (Part Two)

Last month, for whatever insane reason that I now definitely don’t regret, I started a bracket to determine the best Disney song of all time. The first round was pretty non-controversial and was actually relatively well received. After a few people mentioned they were waiting for part two, I decided to dig my heels in and continue. This time, we’re going to do the first part of the revival period of Disney films, which spans from the revival of animated films in the 80s (starting with Oliver and Company) and stretching all the way to early 1995 (to the criminally underrated A Goofy Movie). If you were concerned that this was going to be a chalk bracket, don’t worry, there’s definitely controversy here. Let’s get to it; below is…
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The Happiest Bracket on Earth (Part One)

Late last year I went on a little bit of a travel bender. I started out with a trip to Seattle to see the Packers play, I went to Paris with my mom and competed in the IBJFF Fall Open, went to Miami to celebrate a friends birthday, and wrapped it up with a nice trip to Disney World. Honestly, I’m not trying to flex here, I’m just setting the stage. I could write a piece about any of them (well, actually maybe we shouldn’t talk too much about what happened in Miami). I was able to take advantage of a gap between ending one contract and starting another and all the details filled in perfectly. I understand I was very lucky to be able to do that.…
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You Say I Did Something Bad

Standing on the forty yard line of the beautiful new US Bank stadium in Minneapolis, I’m trying to take in whatever stimulus my overwhelmed mind can get a hold of. Joan Jett’s bad reputation is blaring over the loudspeakers, barely audibly compared to the screams of both pre-teens and retirees alike. Bright likes are shining. Snakes, some of kind of cobra it looks like, are hissing on monitors. And then the lights go out. Suddenly, there’s only one thing to which the crowd can pay attention. In the middle of a solid red light eminating from the middle of the darkness stands the silhouette of a tall, slender woman. Impossibly, the crowd gets even louder. When the stadium explodes with light that same impossible feat is repeated (twice…
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The Top Fast Movies (Ranked)

Let’s get this out of the way. Am I stealing Grantland’s idea? You bet. Am I going to do a low rent version of the same piece? Probably. Am I writing too many lists? Debatable. Is the Fast series the best franchise in all of movies? Not debatable. Sorry Star Wars. You might make great movies and incredible memes, but you don’t have a scene where the Rock flexes his arm so hard it shatters a cast. The Death Star blowing up, while cool, is no match for a bunch of cars parachuting out of a plane. Or a car exploding out of a plane as it takes off. Or a sub chase on an arctic ice scape? No. It doesn’t have any of those things. It also…
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